I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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