i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
