she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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