I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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