3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
