don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He shit in the fireplace
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
