haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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