How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
