I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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