Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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