What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
