So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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