Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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