I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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