***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
