Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
being pregnant is like rehab
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
