Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
