At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
