I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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