You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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