I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
