My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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