im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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