Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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