Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
