You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
