K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
