I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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