My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize