Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
