Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
