I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
