dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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