This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
