Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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