is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
