we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
