That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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