4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
