we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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