the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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