smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
