this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This house was built for laser tag.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
