I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
