It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
