Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
