just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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