i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Come see our sink grown plant.
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My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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