dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
