Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
