Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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