i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
