is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
