I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
