your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Say something about gay babies.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
