im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
