"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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