Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
