Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
