It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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