If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
