Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
