Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want to fling myself into the sun
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
