You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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