so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
