Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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