before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
