she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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