I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
