i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's shark week go big or go home
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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