so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
