You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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