i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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