i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
