Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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