How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
