I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
