the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
