Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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