carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
