I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
