walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
