I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
