I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
