o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
