Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
