i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
