Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
