I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
